Reset Sunday: Reconnect

"I'll be your mirror."                                photograph: Joe Plenys ©2009

Close friends mirror elements of our being. They call forth these specific pieces of our personality and encourage them to come into full bloom for better or worse. When people come together, they create a unique alchemy that reveals and accentuates aspects of ourselves that may have been hidden, languishing, or nascent.

In high school, I had two close girl friends with whom I felt deeply connected. After we all left home at 18, we went our separate ways and had very little contact with each other. We ended up literally spread across the country in New York, Colorado, and California. With the advent of social networking, I was able to find them again and spy in on their lives as I perused photographs and profiles.

During that time, I made the uncanny discovery that all three of us had listed the same novelist as our favorite author although none of us had known about him when we were young and together.  This author's books spoke to something deep inside of me that I could never quite put a finger on. It got me to thinking about my two old friends and the seed of resonance that had brought us together and the way that seed continued to grow even after our life paths had diverged. This love for the same author was just a small signpost for the inner parallels that remained.

For this Reset Sunday, reach out and reconnect to old friend who is hovering on the edges of your consciousness. Sometimes, this is a friend you haven't seen in decades. Other times it might have only been a distracted month of absence. This person keeps popping up in your dreams or your thoughts. Or maybe you have even thought to call them but didn't get around to it or maybe they reached out to you but general busyness kept you from responding. Send an email or give a call. Don't be discouraged by phone tag or invalid addresses. Keep following through until you contact them. If you can't find them or can't talk to them for whatever reason, write them a letter and keep it somewhere special, holding out that intention of reaching them even if it seems impossible.

Reconnecting can bring many unexpected gifts - a reclaiming of a lost part of ourselves, laughter, a shining memory, an apology, compassion for our younger selves, the light of time illuminating an old misunderstanding, unexpected healing, gratitude, the pure joy of an unconditional human connection despite time or distance, reassurance that we are on the right path or a reminder to return to what is most important. Notice what gifts come to you and what light they bring into your present life.

These Velvet Underground lyrics always struck me as a poignant declaration of dear friendship. Enjoy and have a heart-warmed week.

I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home.

Reset Sunday: Deep Sight

the curious passion flower in my yard

For much of the time, we walk through life and only see the idea of the things around us. When I open my bedroom door, I don't SEE where the paint has chipped slightly along the edge or the little residue of fingerprints or the slight variations in cream color. Mostly, I briefly and almost unnoticeably THINK door and continue on my way. Of course, if we truly saw everything thing around us all the time we would probably take an hour just to transverse the vast territory between the bedroom and the kitchen. So the mind's ability to simplify, categorize and name is definitely appreciated but probably takes the driver's seat more often than is necessary. This Reset Sunday is all about awakening the sense of sight and seeing how it activates both your sense of full present awareness and your imagination.

First, find a plant. It can be as simple as a blade of grass or as complex as a passion flower or as grand as an eucalyptus tree. It can be a potted plant or bouquet of flowers in your house or something you discover in a park or yard. If you want to make day of it and you live somewhere warm, check out a botanical garden. I think I might go to one of my favorite places in Los Angeles, Huntington Gardens. If you feel comfortable drawing or even if you feel uncomfortable but adventurous, I suggest you bring a pen or pencil and draw the plant as you are practicing seeing it. The process of drawing can really engage and awaken our sense of sight. Don't worry about the drawing being good or right. The process is the practice and you can always recycle the drawing afterward.

Sit before the plant and let your body and your face relax and soften. Deepen the breath and settle in. Allow your eyes to go on a little adventure. Start following the lines of the stem, the leaves, the petals, the buds.  This is a slow journey for the eyes. Let the small space expand into an entire universe. When you have covered every nook and cranny, start again and see what miniature miracles you missed the first time. If you are drawing, follow the the edges of the plant with you pen on the paper. Record every subtle shift in curvature and shape. Below is a brief guidebook for this journey that points out some attractions to be alert to on your visual journey.

1. Texture: You don't have to touch something to get a feeling for texture. Your eyes can feel it as well. Does it appear soft, prickly, smooth, velvety, mooshy, powdery, pointy, slimey, cool, hard, feathery, or something that may not have a word but only a feeling? Explore the textures as they change with your eyes and record them with your pen.
   
2. Color: Observe the subtle shifts in color. You can name them if it helps (oh, that green is edging on blue here and yellow at the tip of the leaves) but you can also just enjoy the sensual experience of the plant's color palette unfolding before you.
   
3. Light and shadow: Where is the plant obscured in darkness and where is the light so bright it might be dissolving the edges of the leaves or petals? Where is light creating transluscene and where is the absence of it creating a deep opaqueness?
   
4. Weight: Do the leaves appear light and airy or ponderous? Is the weight of a giant bloom bending the branch? Where is the plant reaching upward defying gravity and where is it bowing and tilting towards the earth?
   
5. Negative Space: Notice the strange organic shapes that are created between the leaves, branches, and stems - unique puzzle piece of sky or wall or whatever fills the background. Some shapes may be surprisingly angular and geometric while others will be curved and meandering.
   
6. Shapes: Observe the shapes that the plant itself makes. Maybe the leaves are extended ovals or hearts, or long uneven triangles. Maybe the branches are making T's or Y's. Many shapes will seem unnameable but that will only make seeing them more of an adventure.

After this journey of sight, your imagination will have a pile of visual gifts to play with. Try free associating with some elements that you really loved seeing. Maybe the powdery quality or the pollen at the center of the bloom reminds you of snow made out of sunlight. Or perhaps, the way the branches reach upward inspires a feeling of flight and freedom.  Let this part be light-hearted and playful. Look! Is that a flower a fairy helicopter? Is that a winking man in the bark of tree? Are those petals twirling like dervish?

The first part of this practice, the  seeing, is the meditation. The second part is the arena of imagination and self-expression. Have fun with this and notice how activating your deep sight may change how you see everything else as well.

Reset Sunday Check-in: Focus and Finish

I have been playing with the practice I outlined in this week's Reset Sunday, Focus and Finish and I wanted share some of my observations and experiences so far:

1. There is a part of me that is a cross between a very eager little kid and an impatient adult that wants to just jump right in and start working. It takes a concerted effort to take a few minutes to center, breathe, and focus before I start. Yet, when I do take that time, I feel more calm and open for the duration of the project.
2. The same part of me that wants to start right away, also wants to jump forward to the next task just when I am getting close to finishing. It is as if a part of me is literally always 2 steps ahead of the actual me. It's all about enjoying the excitement and energy of that part of me while reining her in to stay with what is right before me, not ahead of me. 
3. It is fun to laugh at that the absurdity of this part of me that always wants to race on to the next thing. I love "her" and yet, will not get blindly taken on her wild madcap ride. "She" can't trick me. Well, at least, most of time. ;)
4. I love to feel my toes,  stretch and breathe deeply in my bed when I wake up. It turns resistance into pleasure.

New Years Resolutions: Come out of Hiding

I'm in the center. Even strange birds can have amazing friends. :)

I have never been an active new year resolution maker. However, I love to feel the collective wave of new beginnings and excitement around starting something we have been meaning to start for a long time. I don't exactly love how crowded my yoga classes become in January but there is a sense of momentum and self-confidence that is infectious and inspiring.

This New Years Eve, I was at an amazing outdoor party with some of my dearest old friends who moved away years ago. I was caught up in the moment of playful celebration, dancing, and reconnecting. Resolutions and, in fact, all thoughts about future were beyond the distant horizon of my present experience.

At some point, when we were gathered in a circle, someone asked about every one's resolutions. Hmmm, well, I thought, there are so many things I would like to do... finish the children's book I am writing and illustrating, or get stronger physically, or maybe develop my etsy store more or participate in a art/craft fair or......

However, beneath all those tangible activities and goals, there was a feeling of a stronger, more all encompassing desire that was calling me –  a desire to be more open to people, friends, family, co-workers, strangers. I want to see people as they truly are and respond to them from that place of common humanity without as much attention being given to what separates us. I want to be willing to wade through some awkward first conversations, be with that discomfort, and give the connection more time to begin to flow. I want to reach out to people and bridge the gap.

Since I was a child, I struggled with feelings of alienation. Over the last decade, I have been slowly and gently exploring and gradually dismantling my beliefs that make me feel like I don't fit in this world. Part of that process has really been understanding how so many of us feel isolated or feel like we have to hide from each other for fear of judgement. It is unbelievable how afraid of each other we can be.

So, my new year's resolution is to come out of hiding. I won't compartmentalize my life as much, hiding certain aspects of my lifestyle from certain people because maybe, this act of honesty will help someone see that they have a greater range for self-expression and that they can be more free than they thought.  I will not always do this perfectly. Sometimes, I will lack social grace and sometimes I might confuse someone with my open-ness but the chance to make true contact with another human being is worth the risk. Come out of hiding with me. Make friends, smile more, let our eyes meet.

What's your resolution?  How do you practice being more open to people?

Reset Sunday: Focus and Finish

So picture waking up slowly, your mind blissfully half asleep, when the dreaded wave comes crashing through the calm. This wave is a chatter of obligations, tasks, chores, places to be, people to meet, so many things to do. Ahhh, suddenly waking up seems a lot less appealing. Maybe just one more cuddle in the soft cocoon but there is just not enough time with so much to do. 

When I follow this tide through out the day, I find that I am engulfed in a constant busy-ness. My body tightens up; my breath edges toward non-existent. I have entered, what I like to call, Multi-tasking Madness. I am in a state of perpetual mental and sometimes physical motion. At the end of the day, my nerves are buzzing at a strange and uncomfortable frequency and I can't quite pinpoint what I even spent my time doing most of day. I know I did a million things but how did all those minutes and hours slip away? I feel like I expended a crazy amount of energy but what did I get in return? And was it worth it?

Recently, I have been playing with a practice I dubbed Focus and Finish to provide some respite from the Multi-taking Madness.  I have broken down this practice into steps for you to experiment with over the next week. Try them all together or maybe just pick one. I invite you to write about your experience and revelations in the comments as well. We can all learn from each other.

1. Instead of Waking and Thinking or Doing, Try Waking and Breathing.
   Just take a few deep conscious breaths in the morning. Feel the breath moving through your entire body from your belly to your toes, from your heart to your finger tips, from the bottom of the spine to the crown of your head. Let the breath expand into a big stretch and maybe a nice satisfying yawn. Then, get up.
   
2. Before You Start Working, Focus
   First, clear the slate by simply bringing your attention on the breath. It doesn't have to be a long serious mediation. It can just be 3-5 focused inhales and exhales. This is literally just a short practice session in focus. Ask yourself, "What is the single most important thing I would like to accomplish today?" Don't judge the answer. Just take note of it and bring it to mind throughout the day to see how it is aligning with your actions.
   
3. Notice the Distractions
   Ok, now we laid a relaxed and focused foundation. So let's get to the tricky part. As you are engaged in your "single most important thing," notice when other tasks or distractions are trying to pull you away. It is amazing how frequently this happens! Someone might ask for your help on another project or you might suddenly remember an email you need to send, or wait wasn't I supposed to research hotels for my parent's visit, or don't I need to call so-and-so back or is this other task actually more important...... and yes, this can go on forever. If you follow the endless prompts of these distractions, you are right back in Multi-tasking Madness.
   
4. Return to Your "Single Most Important Thing"
   So how do we deal with all these underminers of focus. First, keep some paper nearby where you can jot down any thing that pops up that you are afraid you will forget if you don't do now. That way it safely written down and you can free the mental energy and time to return to your "single most important thing." Second, if it is a family member, friend, or boss that is asking you to switch gears, take the time to assess the situation. Is what they are asking for truly urgent or can it happen later? Is it more important than your "single most important thing"? If the answer is honestly and completely yes, then it is good to be flexible, responsive and helpful. However if the answer is no, explain that it is important for you to remain focused and that you may be able to help them when you are finished. Sometimes, just repeating the mantra, "finish and focus" in your mind can be enough to get you back where you want to be.
   
5. Feed your Focus
   You want to keep turning away from the distractions and towards your "single most important thing," but if this is a task that requires hours of work, then it is essential to take breaks. And a break is not doing another task. Checking emails doesn't count as a break. That is simply a detour towards Multi-tasking Madness. A break could be a walk, or a little stretching, or some focused breathing, drinking some water, or mindfully eating a snack. If you can't tell if it is a good break activity, ask yourself, "Does this feed my focus or distract from it?"
   
6. Finish
   This part is unbelievably satisfying. You saw your "single most important thing" through to the end. This doesn't mean you finished that novel you have been meaning to write but maybe you finished the first draft of the first chapter and that is something. If you still have time and energy to do something more, go back to step 2 and find the next "single most important thing". Notice how you feel at the end of the day when you have practiced focusing and finishing. I find that even if I am tired, it is good, relaxed tired and often times, I am actually peacefully energized. 

Have fun with this practice. It is not about doing it perfectly, it is about seeing what happens, becoming more aware and noticing the changes that follow. 

Welcome friends!

connemara, ireland: taken from my hiking trip this past fall. a perfect symbol for a new beginning

During my morning meditation yesterday, I had a wave of inspiration to begin this blog and create an online space for the inner space of healing, transformation, exploration, dreams, and intuition. Territories that may be transversed include yoga, meditation, flower essences, practical spiritual habits, travel, relevant book or movie reviews, intuitive guidance, health/nutrition, personal discoveries and challenges, dream exploration, and artistic expression. I also hope to share some amazing articles, podcasts, and other resources that I have discovered along the way as well as create my own audio and/or video meditations and yoga classes. This is just a brainstorm that may expand and contract as time goes on and as this space comes into being more fully. I am going to start with a weekly feature called, Reset Sunday, which will include a tip or challenge for the week to inspire us all to honor our bodies, minds, and spirits a little more. I encourage feedback, questions, and dialogue from you along the way.
I have also just begun to do intuitive healing sessions, if you are interested in learning more about them or about me, click here.