Reset Sunday: Smile!

This week, let's challenge ourselves to be more open and warm to our fellow human beings. When you are walking down the street, on that jogging trail, in the check-out line at the supermarket, pumping gas or at a friend's party, look for the opportunity to make eye contact, smile, say hello and maybe even start a conversation. This does not mean creating forced, fake or unnatural contact. It is simply about being alert to your surroundings and the people that are sharing space with you in the moment. It is about putting down your phone, getting out of your head and out of your plans and worries, and sensing the living, conscious, complex and amazing beings all around you. Be sensitive to the moment when someone might be open to connecting and give that some attention and energy. Have the courage to bridge the divide. Just a moment of warmth and an honest smile can really renew someone's feeling of belonging and self-worth. This may take you out of your comfort zone, but just experiment with it this week and see how you feel.

If you find that feelings of judgement or separation are creating resistance to this challenge, I encourage you to try doing a loving-kindness meditation to help foster deep feelings of compassion. Here is the meditation. Each line you say in your mind as you complete one full breath, inhale and exhale.

May you be well.
May you be healthy and strong.
May you be happy and safe.
May you be free from suffering and have insight into the cause of your suffering.
May you be filled with compassion.

Start by focusing this mediation on someone you love. Next, focus on yourself. Next, chose someone you are indifferent to. Then choose someone who you have difficulties with (this can be someone you know personally or a public figure). Finally, focus on all beings.

Reset Sunday: Reconnect

"I'll be your mirror."                                photograph: Joe Plenys ©2009

Close friends mirror elements of our being. They call forth these specific pieces of our personality and encourage them to come into full bloom for better or worse. When people come together, they create a unique alchemy that reveals and accentuates aspects of ourselves that may have been hidden, languishing, or nascent.

In high school, I had two close girl friends with whom I felt deeply connected. After we all left home at 18, we went our separate ways and had very little contact with each other. We ended up literally spread across the country in New York, Colorado, and California. With the advent of social networking, I was able to find them again and spy in on their lives as I perused photographs and profiles.

During that time, I made the uncanny discovery that all three of us had listed the same novelist as our favorite author although none of us had known about him when we were young and together.  This author's books spoke to something deep inside of me that I could never quite put a finger on. It got me to thinking about my two old friends and the seed of resonance that had brought us together and the way that seed continued to grow even after our life paths had diverged. This love for the same author was just a small signpost for the inner parallels that remained.

For this Reset Sunday, reach out and reconnect to old friend who is hovering on the edges of your consciousness. Sometimes, this is a friend you haven't seen in decades. Other times it might have only been a distracted month of absence. This person keeps popping up in your dreams or your thoughts. Or maybe you have even thought to call them but didn't get around to it or maybe they reached out to you but general busyness kept you from responding. Send an email or give a call. Don't be discouraged by phone tag or invalid addresses. Keep following through until you contact them. If you can't find them or can't talk to them for whatever reason, write them a letter and keep it somewhere special, holding out that intention of reaching them even if it seems impossible.

Reconnecting can bring many unexpected gifts - a reclaiming of a lost part of ourselves, laughter, a shining memory, an apology, compassion for our younger selves, the light of time illuminating an old misunderstanding, unexpected healing, gratitude, the pure joy of an unconditional human connection despite time or distance, reassurance that we are on the right path or a reminder to return to what is most important. Notice what gifts come to you and what light they bring into your present life.

These Velvet Underground lyrics always struck me as a poignant declaration of dear friendship. Enjoy and have a heart-warmed week.

I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home.

New Years Resolutions: Come out of Hiding

I'm in the center. Even strange birds can have amazing friends. :)

I have never been an active new year resolution maker. However, I love to feel the collective wave of new beginnings and excitement around starting something we have been meaning to start for a long time. I don't exactly love how crowded my yoga classes become in January but there is a sense of momentum and self-confidence that is infectious and inspiring.

This New Years Eve, I was at an amazing outdoor party with some of my dearest old friends who moved away years ago. I was caught up in the moment of playful celebration, dancing, and reconnecting. Resolutions and, in fact, all thoughts about future were beyond the distant horizon of my present experience.

At some point, when we were gathered in a circle, someone asked about every one's resolutions. Hmmm, well, I thought, there are so many things I would like to do... finish the children's book I am writing and illustrating, or get stronger physically, or maybe develop my etsy store more or participate in a art/craft fair or......

However, beneath all those tangible activities and goals, there was a feeling of a stronger, more all encompassing desire that was calling me –  a desire to be more open to people, friends, family, co-workers, strangers. I want to see people as they truly are and respond to them from that place of common humanity without as much attention being given to what separates us. I want to be willing to wade through some awkward first conversations, be with that discomfort, and give the connection more time to begin to flow. I want to reach out to people and bridge the gap.

Since I was a child, I struggled with feelings of alienation. Over the last decade, I have been slowly and gently exploring and gradually dismantling my beliefs that make me feel like I don't fit in this world. Part of that process has really been understanding how so many of us feel isolated or feel like we have to hide from each other for fear of judgement. It is unbelievable how afraid of each other we can be.

So, my new year's resolution is to come out of hiding. I won't compartmentalize my life as much, hiding certain aspects of my lifestyle from certain people because maybe, this act of honesty will help someone see that they have a greater range for self-expression and that they can be more free than they thought.  I will not always do this perfectly. Sometimes, I will lack social grace and sometimes I might confuse someone with my open-ness but the chance to make true contact with another human being is worth the risk. Come out of hiding with me. Make friends, smile more, let our eyes meet.

What's your resolution?  How do you practice being more open to people?