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For those of you following this blog, I have merged it with my art blog here: Ghostkitten Blog

I am combining art, healing, and self-exploration. Please join me in my new online home. 

Shielding and Revealing the Blazing Light

A story is like water
that you heat for your bath.
It takes messages between the fire
and your skin. It lets them meet,
and it cleans you!
Very few can sit down
in the middle of the fire itself
like a salamander or Abraham.
We need intermediaries.
A feeling of fullness comes,
but usually it takes some bread
to bring it.
Beauty surrounds us,
but usually we need to be walking
in a garden to know it.
The body itself is a screen
to shield and partially reveal
the light that's blazing inside your presence.

Water, stories, the body,
all the things we do, are mediums
that hide and show what's hidden.
Study them,
and enjoy this being washed with a secret we sometimes know,
and then not
-rumi

Self-Love or How to Tame the Big Mean Hate Monster in your head

Field Sketch of Hate Monster discovered in the Wilds of the Psyche

So life flows along with its expected series of peak and valleys or as a vintage film poster on the wall of a Venice beach diner proclaimed "Dizzying Highs and Terrifying Lows." Some times there are actual, real-life events that will dictate whether I am on top of the world or stuck in a swamp or hiding out in a dreary cave and at least that feels logical and immediately comprehensible. But...... more often than not, all of the external facts of my life will undergo no real changes and I find that one day, I feel excited and optimistic....  so many possibilites and so many ideas!!!! Then, the very next day, I feel nothing is woking out. I am failing at everything I am attempting and generally walking in angst-ridden circles back to my same old faults and deficiencies.

Through vigilant observation of my internal world this past week, I have been reminded that this drastic mood shift does not come out of nowhere. It can be directly traced to a series of self-negating beliefs that my favorite little Hate Monster likes to use as fodder for very predictable internal diatribes. The Hate Monster can pop up when you are over-tired, over-worked, hungry, or sick. So if you notice he is getting really loud in your thought stream and shouting over everything else, first check to make sure you have your basics covered. Have you slept enough? If not, take a nap or go to bed early. Are you starving yourself? Eat something healthy and nourishing. Have you been living an all-work-and-no-play existence? Time to play.

Many adults refer to the Hate Monster as the Inner Critic but I think that makes him sound too intellectual and apt to write a thoughtful review of me in the some literary journal. When in reality, he seems more like an cranky or hurt child who is not having his needs met in some way and is acting out. It honestly can be as simple as resting and slowing down but sometimes, of course, it is not.

The Hate Monster can also be fueled by long-standing painful and often un-true beliefs that resurface again and again throughout your life. The one that came up for me this week is the belief that I am too different to be embraced by the society that I live in... that there is something essential in me that will always be foreign... that alienation is a pre-condition of my life. This is how it showed up for me. I started taking a class this week in pattern and surface design where it is essential to find and express your own aesthetic style. At first, I was having so much fun drawing and exploring my imagination and seeing the world around me in a new way. I have my own style of drawing that comes natural to me and I was relishing the freedom of pure self-expression. Then, the Hate Monster pulled out the good ole, oh-so-familiar, alienation manifesto and began with the cutting words, "You have your own style but no one will be able to relate to it. If you put that out in the world, you will not be successful because what you have to offer does not resonate with people. You aren't like everyone else so you should probably hide out and do the safe thing and present a style you know people already like and accept." While I don't intend to follow this "sage" advice, it did thoroughly take the joy out of my creative process for the day. It doesn't take a self-inquiry microscope to see the obvious thread of self-criticism and self-negation in these thoughts.

So what to do if you have wandered down this crooked path deep into the forest of self-hate? As always, there is the temptation to simply add a meta-level to the Hate Monster a.k.a "How could I let myself get so out of control on this negative downward spiral? After all the meditation and yoga I have done, shouldn't I better at this? Why can't I maintain a positive outlook? What is wrong with me?" So keep an eye out for this sneaky addition to the Hate Monster's powers.

At this point, it is important to remember the Hate Monster's resemblance to a hurt child. This part of ourselves doesn't need further reprimands or a series of should's and should not's. It needs a warm and all-encompassing loving embrace. We need the healing balm of self-acceptance and unconditional love.

"Easier said than done," you might be thinking. However, this nourishing feeling is something that can be cultivated even from the bottom of a Terrifying Low. Think about the love you may have felt for animal or a small child or another human being that doesn't diminish when they make a mistake or feel sad or get grumpy. In those moments, you feel compassion for their struggles and love for their simple humanity or kittiness or puppiness including all of their weaknesses and strengths. I found a simple visualization/mediation that can help us begin to access this all-encompassing love and shine it on our own being. Here it is:

The Warm Embrace of Self: A Self-love Meditation

1. Take  few deep breaths, tuning in to your body and the movement of the breath.
2. Visualize the part of you that has become the Hate Monster as a child or even as a puppy or kitten. Observe the self-negating thoughts that part of you is holding. Without judgement, just witness the pain that this part of you is experiencing.
3. Inhale, repeating silently or quietly, "I embrace every part of my being." Visualizing welcoming that hurt inner child into a warm loving hug.
4. Exhale, "I let go of self-judgement." Feel the harsh critical thoughts leaving your body with the breath, being carried away on the breeze.
5. Inhale, "I embrace myself with love." Feel a warm wash of golden light filling every dark corner of your psyche.
5. Exhale, "I let go of Self-criticism."
7. Repeat steps 3-5 until a feeling of compassion and love for yourself begins to emerge in your heart. Don't worry if you are just going through the motions at first. Stick with it and keep inviting in this feeling of compassion. Oddly, it is often easier to feel compassion for others than it is for our selves. So, by giving a visual form to this hurt part of ourselves, we can often access that unconditional love for ourselves a little easier.

If you are interested in exploring this topic in more depth, I would suggest this really amazing little book called: There is Nothing Wrong with You by Cheri Huber
It is written in a light-hearted tone but expresses some deep truths. One of my favorite parts of the book is when Huber reminds us that we are not "fix-it projects." When one of our common internal struggles and habits come up for the zillionth time, it is so easy to think, "Man, I really need to work on myself." Well, this book reminds us that we don't need to fix ourselves. We need to embrace ourselves in our beautiful, complex, dizzying-highs-terrifying-lows entirety.

Please feel free to share your experiences with the Hate Monster or ask any questions you may have in the comments.

Love to all... even those shadowy, dark bits that have sharp teeth and biting words. They soften with every embrace.
Nicole

Reset Sunday: Imagine

The Creation of the  Birds, Remedios Varo

I just finished reading Imagine by Jonathan Lehrer and would highly recommend it to anyone who would like to pull aside the veil and peak at what happens in the brain during flashes of inspiration, creative problem-solving, and careful and sometimes arduous crafting. Lehrer relates the findings of various psychological studies and brain imaging to reveal insights on the workings of creativity. This book is full of valuable information for artists, inventors, scientist, and the insatiably curious. It is not the full story. There are still many questions and alternate interpretations of the data but it opens an interesting dialogue and gives you a place to begin with your own exploration of how you experience creativity internally.

For this week's Reset Sunday I thought I would make a list of some of the discoveries in Imagine that really struck me. These should be fun concepts to play with and explore in our lives over the next week and see how they impact our personal creativity.

1. Relaxing and Un-focusing the mind to create fertile ground for the Flash of Insight. If you meditate, you may be familiar with this mind set already. After you have spent some time focusing on the breath or a single point of awareness, you can start to let your consciousness spread outward becoming very receptive. You are not directing your thoughts anymore they are simply rising and falling across your consciousness as you observe. If you have been working on a project and hit a creative wall, accessing this relaxed mind can help the pieces to fall together in a new and clearer way. You can help to initiate this mind set by going on stroll, taking a shower, or laying in bed for a while after you awaken. You let you mind wander and you simply watch and stay alert to your daydreams. I remember when I was in college, I would do all the research for a paper and jot down some some hints of what I was trying to distill and express but couldn't quite grasp yet. Then, I would go and take a shower and watch as my ideas aligned themselves in surprising ways.  Warm rushing water helped my thoughts coalesce and then, I would be ready to write.
   
2. Happy moods seem to be conducive to flashes of insight and depressive or sad moods are conducive to editing, reworking, finishing and refining a project. Being alert to your emotional state can help to guide your creative work flow.
   
3. The Benefits of Blue: There were some studies that showed priming the subject with a flash of  blue led to an increased amount of creative solutions. This would be an interesting one to explore on your own. Beyond just seeing if azures and periwinkles stimulate you imagination, you can also pay attention to what type of environments make you feel the most creative.
   
4. The Benefits of Constructive Criticism: They found that constructive criticism is more helpful than a completely free and non-judgmental environment for brain storming. Especially, when problems are pointed out and ideas on how to fix them are presented together. So if you are working collaboratively don't be afraid to point out things that need improving or wholes in someones reasoning or methods (in a compassionate, gentle way of course). Or if you are working on a project alone, finding someone who can crit your project will help you to see what areas still need finessing or editing and which ones are best left alone.
   
5. The Outsider Mind: Getting distance from the your field of creativity can help you to see your project in a new and unusual light. If you are a painter, having someone look at your work who doesn't know much about visual art can help give you a different perspective and see it from the outside. You can also finish a project and put it away for a few months and come back to it and see how you respond. Last, travel can help shift your point of reference and see your work from another angle.

I would love to hear about some of your personal experiences with creativity and what you have found to be most stimulating to your imagination. Happy creating and see you next week!



        

Reset Sunday: Stop working and have fun!

This Reset Sunday post is going to be short and sweet. This is the time of year for spring cleaning, organizing, and checking off to-do lists. While these are all worthy pursuits, it is easy to get caught up in all the things we need to do to keep our lives in order and running somewhat smoothly. We tend to glorify working and "being busy." Don't tell me you don't get a little rush of self-importance every time you tell someone you have been "really busy". It's only natural to feel happy to be engaged in your work and your pursuits. But just as important, if not more important is the ability to set yourself free from your to-do's and your chores and even your big dreams for at least one day and just do something that is purely fun without a specific goal or end in mind. What taps you into the spirit of play? I challenge you, especially if this has been missing from your life lately, to clear the slate of an entire day for fun. Play hooky from work. Find a babysitter. Leave the bathroom messy, the laundry dirty. Be irresponsible just for a day. Don't be tricked into believing that you have to be productive all the time. Let go for now, for a day, and do something spontaneous and purely fun instead. Don't over-think it! Just set yourself free!

Reset Sunday: Wet Earth, Lemons, and your Sense of Smell

The smell of damp earth instantly transports me to the beloved forests of my childhood. I feel peaceful,  awake, and curious just as I did then. The smell of jasmine gives me that languid, relaxed feeling that summer is on it's way. The sun will linger longer and time will stretch out like a golden cat in the middle of an afternoon nap. The smell of lemon makes me feel fresh and alert, tuning in to the energy of the perfect morning filled with potential and renewal.

Smell is very direct and often psychologically powerful. At the end of you nasal passage, behind the nose is a cluster of neurons about the size of a postage stamp that's exposed to the air. These neurons are covered with cilia, hair-like structures that increase surface area. Molecules from everything that you can smell float into your nose, bind to the cilia, and send a message through the neuron. This is how you smell that fresh baked bread, that spring of wild rosemary, and everything else. 

This week, for Reset Sunday, I propose we tune in to our sense of smell and experiment with its affects on our mood and mind-set. 

5 Ways to Use the Sense of Smell for Self-discovery and Healing

1. Tune-in. Take some deep breaths through out the day and notice what you are smelling and how you are feeling. See if tuning into the smell changes you how you feel. Maybe it simply pulls you out of your head and into the moment. When you walk to your car in the morning, smell the air. It will put you in direct contact with your surroundings.
   
2. Smell your food before you take a bite. Enjoying the aroma of our food can help slow us down before we start eating. It can initiate a mindful attitude and tune us in to the quality of our food. Notice the feeling, memories, or sensations associated with each smell. This process will enrich your meal and it can provide insight into your food choices.
   
3. Rose Water. If you have never had a mister of rose water on hand, I suggest you pick one up and enjoy it's magical powers. :) If you wake up feeling groggy, grumpy or anxious misting yourself with rose water can instantly transport you to a lovely garden where fairies frolic and elves dance. Even if it doesn't swoop you into fantasia, rose water helps break up a negative thoughts and reminds you of the good simple things in life. Use it when you are feeling angry, sad, bored, scared, or just plain blah. You can find rose water at health food stores or online. The rose water I have on my bedside table is Heritage Products Rosewater. I love it and spray it daily.
   
4. Burning sage and/or palo santo. Both of these you light with a match and then blow out the flame, letting it smoke. You can carry it around your home, smudging your rooms with the smoke. Traditionally, the smoke is said to clear darkened or stagnant energies. I personally find that smudging with palo santo and sage combines a meditative ritual with a wonderful earthy smell that is calming and grounding.
   
5. Experiment with essential oils. You can find essential oils at natural food stores or online. I like the Young Living Essences a lot and many of the Aura Cacia essences as well. I like to carry Lavender essential oil in my purse when I go into the office. Whenever I feel stressed or disconnected, I pull it out and take a moment to smell it. Somehow, it helps me relax and keep my projects and deadlines in perspective. Offices can be devoid of nourishing scents. These sumptuous aromas can reinvigorate and bring a smile to your face even in the dreary land of plastic, metal and fluorescent lights.
   
   I suggest you choose your essential oils by actually smelling them and seeing which ones have the most noticeable effect on you. Usually, there are testers in stores. If you are still not sure which ones to get or need to buy them online, you can also use this aromatherapy chart to help you decide.
   
   My current favorites from the Young Living line are: Lavender, Peace and Calming, Theives, Lemon and Peppermint. The essential oil my boyfriend can not live with out is Wyndmere Joyful Spirit. Another favorite from my best friend's essential oil collection is Aura Cacia Pep Talk which is the amazingly sunshiny combination of orange and peppermint.

Reset Sunday: Smile!

This week, let's challenge ourselves to be more open and warm to our fellow human beings. When you are walking down the street, on that jogging trail, in the check-out line at the supermarket, pumping gas or at a friend's party, look for the opportunity to make eye contact, smile, say hello and maybe even start a conversation. This does not mean creating forced, fake or unnatural contact. It is simply about being alert to your surroundings and the people that are sharing space with you in the moment. It is about putting down your phone, getting out of your head and out of your plans and worries, and sensing the living, conscious, complex and amazing beings all around you. Be sensitive to the moment when someone might be open to connecting and give that some attention and energy. Have the courage to bridge the divide. Just a moment of warmth and an honest smile can really renew someone's feeling of belonging and self-worth. This may take you out of your comfort zone, but just experiment with it this week and see how you feel.

If you find that feelings of judgement or separation are creating resistance to this challenge, I encourage you to try doing a loving-kindness meditation to help foster deep feelings of compassion. Here is the meditation. Each line you say in your mind as you complete one full breath, inhale and exhale.

May you be well.
May you be healthy and strong.
May you be happy and safe.
May you be free from suffering and have insight into the cause of your suffering.
May you be filled with compassion.

Start by focusing this mediation on someone you love. Next, focus on yourself. Next, chose someone you are indifferent to. Then choose someone who you have difficulties with (this can be someone you know personally or a public figure). Finally, focus on all beings.